


Come and Knock on Our Door

by my_mad_fatuation



Series: Three's Company, Too [1]
Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-15 13:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7224229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_mad_fatuation/pseuds/my_mad_fatuation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn moves in with Rae and Chloe, but has to pretend to be gay so the landlord will let him live there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come and Knock on Our Door

**Author's Note:**

> I just stole the premise of Three’s Company and wrote a bunch of humourous scenes that don’t quite make a story.

Finn entered the flat for the first time carrying a box of his belongings. Three young women greeted him—two of them were to be his new roommates. He was doing a room swap with the third woman—an energetic redhead named Izzy—as she was moving in with his old roommate, Chop.

He knew Izzy fairly well since she had been ‘round a lot when she and Chop started dating, but it was his first time meeting the others. There was Chloe, pretty with light brown hair, and then there was the raven-haired beauty, Rae. Finn could tell he was going to have a good time living with these two.

They all helped take Izzy’s things down to Chop’s car, and finished getting Finn’s things to bring up. As they were headed back up the stairs to their flat, an older couple came out of one of the units on the main floor.

“The landlords,” Rae whispered to Finn in a tone that told him to be cool.

“What’s going on here?” the older man said gruffly.

“We’re just helping our new roommate move in,” Rae explained to him. “This is Finn.”

“Nice to meet you,” Finn said, unable to shake hands due to his arms being full.

“When you said you were getting a new roommate, you didn’t say it was a _man_ ,” the landlord said. “No, I’m afraid I can’t allow it.”

“Come on, Stanley, give the kids a break,” said the woman with him.

“I know what kids get up to these days, and I’ll have none of that hanky panky going on under my roof!”

“Don’t I know it,” she added, rolling her eyes.

“I just don’t believe in sex before marriage.”

“You don’t believe in sex after marriage, either.”

“Nothing’s going to happen,” Rae assured him. “We’re just roommates.”

“Kind of like us, Stanley.”

“Yeah, right,” said the landlord. “A couple pretty girls such as yourselves and this guy who my wife is drooling over like a steak? I know how this story goes.”

“But, you see, it’s not like that, because…because…” Finn began. “Because I’m gay!”

The man eyed him suspiciously. “You sure you’re not one of them new-fangled bisexuals I keep hearing about?”

“Nope. One hundred percent gay. These two are repulsive to me. Blech.”

“Gee, thanks!” said Chloe, before Rae nudged her to shut her up.

“I’ve even got a boyfriend, so no chance of anything going on between any of us here,” Finn added.

“I’ll take your word for it,” said the landlord. “But I’m going to pop up there for a visit some time just to make sure you’re telling the truth.”

“Stanley, you haven’t ‘popped up’ anywhere in years,” said the landlady.

The three roommates smiled politely before climbing the stairs to their unit, exhaling all at once when they shut the door. They set down their boxes and burst into laughter.

“I’m really sorry about them,” said Rae, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

“It’s alright,” said Finn.

“Are you really gay, though?” Chloe asked him.

“Uh, no,” he said. “But don’t worry, there won’t be any hanky panky going on here.” He winked at Rae who then looked confused.

“Let’s get your stuff into your room and then we can go catch up with the others down at the pub,” Chloe suggested.

***

“And then he said, ‘I’ll have none of that hanky panky going on under my roof!’” Finn explained to his friends at the pub. Everyone laughed loudly.

“And so you told him you were gay?” Finn’s friend Archie said to him.

“Well, he wouldn’t believe us when we said there’d be nothing going on,” Finn replied. “Which was probably smart of him, to be fair.” He winked at Rae again and she stared into her pint.

“If you want my advice on being gay,” Archie added, “you might want to turn off the ol’ Finn charm when the landlord’s around.”

“I’ll just have to direct it at you, then,” Finn said with another wink, this time aimed at Archie.

“Me? Why me?”

“Well, I told them I had a boyfriend…”

“You want me to be your boyfriend? I thought you’d never ask.”

“The two of you have been ‘will they, won’t they’ for years now,” Chop joked.

***

It was late by the time Rae, Chloe, and Finn got back from the pub. The girls said goodnight to Finn before going into their room.

“So, what do you think of this whole situation?” Rae said to Chloe as they changed into their pyjamas.

“What situation?” said Chloe. “You mean Finn living here?”

“Yeah, I mean, it made sense two weeks ago when we he and Izzy made plans to switch rooms, but now that he’s here… Is it weird for us to live with a guy we don’t even know?”

“It’s not as though he’s a stranger, exactly. Chop and Izzy know him, and he seems nice enough.”

“Sure, he seems nice, but can we trust him?”

“Trust him with what?”

“He’s such a major flirt, Chlo, and you know how you get when a good-looking guy comes along.”

“I’d be more worried about you—you’re the one he keeps flirting with.”

Rae pulled back the duvet on her bed and fluffed her pillow. “I can handle myself just fine.”

“I’m sure you can,” Chloe replied, getting into her own bed on the other side of the room. “But maybe we should make a pact. Neither of us can go for him—it would just make things awkward around here.”

“Agreed.”

***

Finn knocked on the girls’ bedroom door the next morning. There was no answer so he knocked again.

He heard one of them grumble, “What?” through the door. It sounded like Rae but he couldn’t be sure.

“I was just going to make pancakes and was wondering if you two would like some,” he answered.

“What?”

“I said, I was going to make—”

“Just open the goddamn door!” It was definitely Rae.

He opened it and repeated himself again to the two occupants of the room who were cocooned in their duvets. Chloe was fast asleep and Rae looked only half awake.

“Not right now, just let us sleep,” she said.

There was a knock at the front door and Finn asked if he should answer it.

“Fine,” Rae groaned, “but tell whoever it is to get lost.”

He was about to leave the room to answer the door when he heard it open and footsteps enter the flat.

“You really shouldn’t leave your door unlocked,” said the landlord as Finn walked out of the room to find him and his wife standing in the entryway. “Wait a minute… Did you just come out of the girls’ bedroom?”

His wife hit him in the arm. “Now, Stanley, how do you know that’s not his room?”

“I know the layout of these units and I know that’s the bigger bedroom, so it must be the one that the girls share.”

“I was just in there to ask them about breakfast, I swear,” said Finn, raising his hands. “I spent the night in my own room.”

“And where are the girls now?” asked the landlord.

“They’re still sleeping.”

“Ah. Up all night, were they? I know what that means!”

“Really, Stanley?” said the landlady. “It’s been so long since you were up all night, I thought you’d forgotten.”

“We just had a late night out at the pub with our mates, that’s all.”

“That’s alright, dear. We were just coming ‘round to check that you were settled in, weren’t we, Stanley?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m all settled in,” said Finn as he rocked back and forth on his heels. “I was about to make some pancakes; would the two of you like some?”

“No thanks, we don’t have time for your fairy cakes—erm, pancakes—this morning,” said the landlord.

“Yes,” the landlady added as they were leaving. “We have a long day of nothing ahead of us.”

Finn waved them out and shut the door, locking it behind them, before rushing over to the girls’ room again. “You will never guess—“

“Finn!” Rae exclaimed, as she and Chloe were getting dressed.

“Sorry!” he said, putting his hand over his eyes.

“Shut the door!”

He felt behind him for the door handle and shut it.

“With you on the other side!” Chloe added.

“Oh, right, sorry!” He peeked through his fingers for a second and stifled a laugh. “I thought you two would still be sleeping.”

“Out!” said both girls in unison.

He left the room and shut the door behind him, smiling to himself. Yes, he was going to like living here.

***

“I think I’m going to die,” Finn said as he trudged into the lounge in mesh shorts and a vest.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” said Chloe as she lay sideways on the sofa, fanning herself. She was also in just shorts and a vest, as was Rae, because of the heat wave.

“I need fresh air,” he groaned, trying to pry open the window.

“I told ya, it’s stuck,” said Rae, who was spritzing herself with a spray bottle on the mist setting. “The landlord said he’d be up this afternoon to fix it, so just sit down, grab a spray bottle, and chill out.”

He got a spray bottle from the bathroom, filled it with cool water, and started to mist himself, but when he got back to the girls he had a better idea. He twisted the nozzle to the stream setting and started shooting it at Rae, who jumped out of her seat and yelped.

“Why you little…” She adjusted her nozzle as well and sprayed him back.

“Oi, watch it!” said Chloe when she caught a bit of the spray. “I’m not part of this!”

“Then get out of the line of fire,” said Finn.

She ducked out of the way of his blast and scurried out of the lounge while the others kept shooting each other. “You’re children!” she said with a laugh.

Finn and Rae kept spraying one another from a distance, until he decided to start edging his way towards her in an attempt to steal her spray bottle. She backed away from him, still spraying, and he chased her around the coffee table until she fell onto the sofa and they started wrestling for control of the bottles.

Chloe heard a knock at the front door and went to answer it. The landlord was there with his toolbox and his wife.

“I’m here to fix your window,” he said.

“Thanks, it’s the one in the lounge,” said Chloe as she let them in.

“What the hell is going on?” he boomed when he got there and found Finn crouched over Rae on the sofa, tickling her.

“They’re just having a little fun, Stanley,” said the landlady. “You do remember what fun is, don’t you?”

“I was under the impression they wouldn’t be having this kind of fun up here due to his…condition.”

Finn sat up and smiled guiltily. “We were just spraying each other with water to cool down and—”

“Trying to get her shirt wet, were ya?”

“What? No!” He looked at Rae and realized he could see her bra through her vest, so he shoved a cushion in front of her. “Cover yourself up, Rae, no one wants to see that.”

“I saw the whole thing!” said Chloe, stepping into the room. “Which is to say, I saw that nothing happened. They were just being silly.”

The landlord looked like he was about to argue, but his wife cut in. “Oh, give them a break, Stanley. They’re just having a little harmless fun, stop pestering them.”

“Stay out of this, Helen. I’ll deal with you when we get home.”

“You mean it, Stanley?” she said eagerly.

He rolled his eyes and huffed. “Where’s this window I’m supposed to fix?”

Chloe pointed him towards the only window in the room and he went over with his toolbox.

Rae tried not to laugh as she noticed the landlady ogling Finn when he stood up, but then looked at him and realized that hers wasn’t the only vest that had gone see-through from the water. Yowza.

“There,” said the landlord once he’d gotten the window open. “Now you can have some fresh air and cut out this spray bottle nonsense before you ruin the wallpaper.”

“Yes, thank you so much for your help,” said Chloe as she saw the pair of them out. When she returned, her roommates were both pointing their spray bottles right at her. “What are you doing…?”

“Initiating you into the Wet Vest Club,” said Finn.

***

“That must be the pizza,” said Finn.

His roommates and friends were all sat around the coffee table in the lounge when he got up to answer the door. But it wasn’t the pizza; it was the landlords. Again.

“Good evening,” he said to them with a mocking bow. “To what do we owe this pleasure?”

“Oh honey,” said the landlady, patting him on the arm. “Stanley doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘pleasure.’”

The landlord waved his wife away and stepped into the flat. “I saw people coming up here not too long ago. Are you having a party? Because you know my rule on parties…”

“I don’t, actually,” said Finn. “Is it similar to your rule on hanky panky?”

“It’s too much noise and excitement,” the landlord replied.

“And he doesn’t care for parties, either,” added his wife.

“Well, we’re not having a party, we’re just having a few friends over for pizza,” Finn explained as the landlord walked past him into the lounge.

“I see how it is. Two boys, three girls, and…you.”

“You remember Izzy, don’t you?” Rae said to him from where she was seated. “She’s only been gone a couple weeks.”

The red-haired girl smiled and waved at him.

“And her boyfriend, Chop,” Rae continued, gesturing to the lad sitting next to Izzy, who also smiled and waved politely.

“Okay, well who’s he?” the older man asked as he pointed to Archie. He eyed the girls suspiciously. “Is he one of yours?”

“He’s mine, actually,” Finn said with a grin. He stood right up against the landlord’s arm, causing him to back away.

The landlady clasped her hands together. “That’s wonderful! I bet you two make a cute couple. Come here so I can take a look at you,” she said to Archie, motioning for him to stand.

He got up and approached her cautiously. She grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him around a couple of times. He gave the others a “help me!” look but they were all just trying not to laugh. Then she stood him arm to arm with Finn and took a step back.

“Well, aren’t they just the cutest couple you’ve ever seen, Stanley?”

“Yeah, sure,” said the landlord, who was trying not to look at them.

“And you,” she added to Archie as she pinched his cheeks, “I could just eat you up.”

“Oh, I do,” said Finn, tilting his head against Archie’s and smiling innocently as the landlord’s eyes bugged out.

“Alright, that’s enough, Helen, let’s go.” He took his wife by the hand and made his way quickly out of the flat while Finn smooched the side of Archie’s face.

“Don’t whisk me away like this, Stanley, you’ll get me excited,” said the landlady.

Archie swatted Finn away once the older couple had left and wiped the side of his face with his sleeve.

“You enjoyed that far too much, Finn,” said Rae.

“You’re just jealous,” he replied, giving her a smooch on the side of her face as well.

There was another knock at the door as soon as he took a seat.

“Alright,” he said. “Who’s going to answer it this time?”

***

Finn offered to walk his friends down to Chop’s car at the end of the night, as Chop and Izzy were giving Archie a lift home.

“Thanks for having us over, mate,” said Chop, slapping Finn on the shoulder as they reached street level.

“Yeah, we had a lot of fun,” said Izzy as she gave him a hug.

Finn then turned to Archie with his arms open for another hug.

“I swear if you touch me again—” Archie began, but stopped when they saw the landlord step out from behind the bins after having deposited his rubbish.

“Trouble in paradise?” he asked.

“Nope!” Finn said quickly, grabbing Archie’s arm. “He’s just being a tease, aren’t you, Arch?”

Archie smiled grimly. “Yep, just teasing.”

Finn turned to face him head-on. “Goodnight, Muffin. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said before planting one on him, directly on the lips.

The landlord scurried off back to his flat, and only then did Finn stop.

Archie pushed him away and wiped off his mouth. “Muffin?” he asked. “Muffin???”

Finn just smiled and shrugged. “I will see you tomorrow, though, right? Football in the park?”

“If I can recover by then.”

Finn waved as his friends drove off then climbed the stairs up to the flat two at a time.

“Had a little goodnight kiss, did we?” Chloe asked when he got back.

“You saw that?”

“We were watching from the window.”

“Well,” he said as he walked towards the girls with a swagger, “did you like what you saw?”

“Oh, yeah,” said Rae, meeting him half way and placing a hand on his chest. “Archie is really fit.” She smirked and continued walking past him to the kitchen to start cleaning up.

“Ugh, it’s late,” Finn whined as he leaned against the back of the sofa. “Can’t we clean up tomorrow?”

“Just help me get the pizza in the fridge and then we can go to bed.”

He reluctantly pushed himself up and went into the kitchen to start wrapping up leftover pizza slices with the girls.

“Alright,” he said once they were finished. “Bedtime?”

“Sounds good, I’m beat,” said Chloe as she and Rae headed towards their bedroom.

Finn followed them in and shut the door.

Moments later, he was being shoved back out the door.

“What?” he said. “You said, ‘and then _we_ can go to bed.’”

“Go to _your_ bed,” said Rae.

“Fine, if you want to do it in my bed then—”

The girls shut the door in his face.

“Goodnight, Muffin.”

***

Chloe was nowhere to be found when Rae woke up. She wasn’t in their room, she wasn’t in the bathroom, and she wasn’t in the kitchen or the lounge… Rae wondered if she had gone outside to take out the rubbish this early in the morning, but on her way to the front door she heard Chloe’s voice coming from Finn’s bedroom.

“Is it usually this hard?” said Chloe.

“Well, this is why I asked you to come and help me with it,” said Finn.

“I’m not sure it’s going to fit.”

“That’s okay, I like it tight.”

Rae was shocked and horrified. “Hold on just a minute!” she said as she barged through the door with her eyes covered. “Stop whatever you’re doing and…and…” She trailed off when she realized she didn’t hear the sound of people scampering to get their clothes on, and opened her eyes.

“Good morning,” Finn said sweetly as he held one end of a fitted sheet over his mattress.

“Oh, uh, morning,” she replied, before looking at Chloe who was holding the other end.

“I just asked Chloe here to help me change the sheets, since I always struggle with this part by myself.”

“Ah,” she said sheepishly. “What inspired you to change the sheets this early in the morning, anyway?”

“I had a little accident.” He noticed Rae looked disturbed by that so he quickly clarified, “I was drinking tea in bed and spilled some!” before they all started laughing. “Come on, help us get that last corner done.”

She went over and gave them a hand and they managed to get the fitted sheet on snugly.

“Thanks, ladies,” he said, putting an arm around each of the girls. “You’re a big help.” He pretended to take a step forward but instead fell backwards onto the bed, pulling them with him. “Oh, no, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

Chloe managed to wriggle free, so he rolled over onto Rae, but Chloe grabbed him by the hem of his t-shirt.

“Oh, are you going to spank me?” he said, looking back over his shoulder.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you—”

The three roommates looked towards the doorway when they heard someone clear their throat. Standing there was the landlord, looking outraged, and his wife, looking thrilled.

“Hello,” said Finn, smiling at them.

“What is going on here?” the landlord bellowed.

“Something you’d never try in a million years, Stanley,” said his wife.

“We were just helping him make the bed,” Chloe explained. “And then we started goofing around—but it’s all innocent, I swear.”

“I am a massive gay, after all,” added Finn.

“Yeah, he’s definitely not got a semi between my legs,” said Rae.

The landlord huffed. “I’m here to fix your leaky faucet.”

“Oh, right, it’s the one in the bathroom,” said Chloe, leading them out of the room.

Finn looked at Rae once the others had left and they both started laughing. “I can’t believe you said that!”

“What? I said you _didn’t_ have one!”

“That just makes it sound like I did!”

“Well…”

“Oh, you flatter yourself, surely.”

“Are you going to get off, then?”

He shrugged. “If you insist,” he said before starting to slide his hand up her leg.

“I meant get off of me!”

“Oh, right, sorry.” He climbed off of her and stood at the foot of the bed to help her up. “So, when you came barging in here, what did you think was going on?”

“I thought…you were making the bed without me?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Alright, I thought you were showing Chloe your business!”

“And you felt left out?”

“No! It’s just that we made a…pact… Never mind.”

“No, go on. You were saying something about a pact.”

Rae sighed and explained. “When you moved in here, Chloe and I agreed that neither of us was allowed to get together with you so as not to complicate things in the flat, alright?”

“Ohhh… So that’s why my advances never work…”

“Now who’s flattering himself?”

“So, you’re saying,” he continued, picking up her hands in his and staring into her eyes, “that even without this pact, nothing would ever happen between us?”

“I can safely say that I’ve never felt…the need…to…” She lost her train of thought as his face inched closer and closer.

“Ahem,” said a voice from the doorway.

“I can only see the spot when I get this close,” Finn said loudly as he examined Rae’s face, “so I don’t think you need to worry about it.”

“Oh, good, thank you,” said Rae, letting go of Finn’s hands.

They looked to see that it was only Chloe. Still, she did not seem amused.

“What’s up, Chlo,” Rae said, trying to seem casual.

“They fixed the faucet and left,” Chloe explained.

“That was quick,” said Finn.

“Yeah, it was an easy fix.”

“Great, because I need to use the facilities. Excuse me.”

The girls faced each other once he’d left the room.

“What were you doing with him?” Chloe hissed.

“He was just checking out that spot on my face and—”

“Oh, shut up, you have no spots; your skin is so perfect it’s annoying!”

“Well, thanks, but—”

“What about our pact?”

“I told him about the pact, actually.”

“You told him?”

“He wanted to know why I came barreling in here earlier, and I said it was because I thought you two were about to…”

“You thought I would break our pact? I don’t believe you, Rae. I mean, clearly you’re the one who’s more likely to break it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, come on, you’re always flirting with him, encouraging him. It’s disgusting.”

“I’m disgusting? Well, at least I don’t prance around in my knickers half the time in front of him.”

“These are shorts!”

“They’re the size of knickers!”

“Is there a problem?” said Finn when he came back in the room.

“Everything’s fine,” Chloe said through her teeth.

“Look, girls, there’s no need to fight over me.”

They both shot him dirty looks.

“I just mean, there’s plenty of me to go around…” he added with a cheeky grin.

The girls scowled and bumped him with their shoulders on the way out, calling him a pig.

He held his hands in front of himself and looked at them. “There’s plenty of me to go around, fellas.”

***

For two days, the roommates hardly spoke to one another, until Finn finally decided to say, “I’ve had enough of this.”

“Had enough of what?” Chloe asked flatly as she sat on the sofa, reading a magazine.

“Had enough of the tension in here,” he said. “I don’t like it when you two are fighting.”

“We’re not fighting,” Rae said from the armchair. “I’m just not speaking to her until she apologizes.”

Chloe looked up from her magazine. “Apologize for what?”

“For calling me disgusting!”

“I didn’t call you disgusting, I said the way you flirt with him all the time is disgusting. Besides, you’re the one who thought I would break our pact, so you should be apologizing to me!”

“You thought I would break the pact, too, so you owe me an apology first!”

“Girls, girls, girls…” said Finn, waving his hands in the air.

“What?” they both snapped.

He recoiled a little out of fear. “I was just going to say, does it really matter who was or wasn’t going to break the pact? The fact of it is, we’re roommates, and we shouldn’t do anything that will make one of us feel like a third wheel in our own home, right?”

“Yeah…” said Rae.

“So can’t you both just agree on that and be friends again?”

Rae looked at Chloe. “Oh, I’m sorry, Chlo. I shouldn’t have thought you would break the pact; I know you’re not like that.”

“I’m sorry I said ya were disgusting,” Chloe replied, looking down at her hands. “I didn’t mean it. I was just a bit jealous I guess.”

“Jealous? Why would you be jealous?”

She glanced at Finn before turning to her friend. “It’s just, you two get along so easily. I wish I could be like that.”

Rae looked like she didn’t know what to say in response.

“If I may,” Finn interjected. “I think there’s one thing we could all do that would level the playing field for everyone.”

“What’s that?”

He winked his left eye at Rae, and then his right at Chloe, and raised his eyebrows.

“Ugh!”

“ _You’re_ the disgusting one!”

“Come on, Chloe,” said Rae, grabbing her friend’s arm. “Let’s let _him_ be the third wheel for once.”

The pair marched off towards their bedroom with their books and magazines and slammed the door.

It was then Finn realized that living with two girls might not be all it was cracked up to be.

 


End file.
